Frantic
by Dead Account. Deal With It
Summary: The wind feels so good. Hello darkness my old friend. I’ve come to talk with you again. Take me into your care. Bittersweet in my love for him [yaoi oneshot]


Title: Frantic

Rated: for a mature audience

Summary: ONE SHOT damn plot bunnies Jou is all alone, and dieing a little inside every day. Happiness has not helped him enough

WARNINGS: CHARACTER DEATH, Yaoi, fire, suicide, homicide, animal abuse, animal death, guns, smokes, depression, Mai bashing, loneliness, AU, OoC, drugs, poverty, rape, abuse, prostitution, cutting, minor, anorexia, characters who names I don't know so I made them up and the story is kinda deep. This is a very adult fic but there is action. I must warn all of you of the adultness…(edit Feb. 17. 07: I think its immature now)

Disclaimer: I own only this story plot and nothing else. The neighborhood Jou is in is based on my old neighborhood. It has gotten worse over the years. None of these things have ever happened to me, this story is completely fictional. Anything that relates to a person living or dead is completely coincidental. (Even though I have not gone through these specific things doesn't mean I haven't been close...)

EDIT Feb. 17, 07: RE-UPLOADED because of grammar and spelling mistakes

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I walked back into the kitchen to find a small trail of smoke emitting from the oven. As always I just walked over to it and turned it off. The over sized over rusty contraption stopped smoking and I took out my dinner.

I wasn't hungry but I was bored so I didn't know what else to do. Cooking is my skill, my specialty and my hope. I have nothing else only a dead end job as a - tentative - chef in a run down restaurant that got at most five dead beets, three sober, and twenty two drunken humans every - other - day. The boss guy, Jon something-or-another, is not reliable to open every day. I sometimes open up in the morning and work over time to get some extra money. When people come in, in the morning I often serve them myself and treat them like royalty. I cook anything and everything from pancakes to fillet minion, price range five to fifteen dollars.

I live in the bad side of the bad neighborhood which is located on the wrong side of the tracks. If anyone has any money and no family it is spent on drugs and food. If the person was raised respectably they sometimes have a cell phone and pay their rent along with drugs. So many people from all around live here in either harmony or hate. I pay my bills, have a job, have a presentable apartment but I also do a little extra work after hours. I have to sell my body to men or woman just to earn an extra buck for my phone bills and expenses during the week that I am not paid.

I live alone. I never cared for my mother nor did I attend her or my fathers' funerals. My father died in prison about six months ago. I told them to burn his fucking ass to hell. He raped my sister till finally he crashed her head into the wall. She died a few minutes later but not early enough to not feel him release inside of her. It wasn't the first time he had done this to her. He started when she was eleven; she was fifteen when he killed her. Rigor mortis was settling in before he even finished so he was having too hard a time moving her body. He said it wasn't fun anymore. He was done with her limp dead corpse. That was the night he decided to move on to me.

Up until then he had only beat me till I was passed out, but that night he tied me up and made me watch him violate my baby sister. She was only fifteen.

He joked about my body. He called me fat and traced the scares I had inflicted on my self with his tongue. He used no lubricant and no discretion. He covered my screams with a handkerchief that was soaked with blood. I could smell the stench of my dead sister all over him and all upon the handkerchief. Many times he had fallen asleep and woken up just to perform the deed again. When finally he untied me, he said to me that I would die if I told anyone ever. As soon as he left for work I ran into the bathroom and purged. By force I threw up anything and every thing I could. I was told to burn my sisters' carcass in the bon fire bin in the vacant lot; I did so I would not be harmed again.

It wasn't until a year or two later did my boy-friend and I decide that enough was enough and we reported Jak, my father, anonymously but I had to testify anyway along with Seto and many of our drug ridden neighbors.

We celebrated that night, Seto and I, but it didn't last. He owned his own company and so, many people would have like to take his life. And they did. Several days later he was shot during a meeting. His death was slow and very painful. He never said anything to me; he didn't die wishing it was someone else. He kissed me, closed his eyes and passed on.

That was the last night I cried.

Soon Mokuba and I had a talk. The sex talk that turned bad. He asked how Seto and I had made love, considering we were a homosexual couple. That talked turned into a depression talk and soon I had told him that not only was I a cutter but I was also anorexic and bulimic. I was and still am suffering from manic depression. That night we both spilt out our hearts. All our feeling thoughts and insecurities. He told me he wanted to die, and I knew where he got the thought from. His whole life revolved around Seto. For a while the two were lovers but soon Mokuba found a girlfriend - my sister Shizuka - and his brother found me. They broke up but they still had brotherly love not, well, loverly love.

The next day was the last time I saw his body when it was movable. I had fallen asleep on the couch but apparently he did not. Mokuba was so torn up that he drank a fifth of vodka then took out a trusty old razor his brother worshiped for its titanium steel blades. He punched one out using something or another then slit. Like a rite, down from his elbow to wrist. Then on his for arm. Left arm then right. When he was finally done he was half conscious and still cutting at the air. Delirium took over and when I found him half dead in the bath tub he said to me how much he loved everyone. He said how he would always be grateful to me, and how I had helped him. He gave a speech about giving up. And weakness. That was it; in his last breath he spoke out his love and thanked me for helping him realize it.

One year after I thought all of my troubles were over. Kaiba corp. shut down from lack of Kaiba and I stopped getting money from it. I went back to work selling myself to those whose needs could not be fulfilled by their spouse or otherwise. That did not pay enough so I got my self a job as a chef in a small run down place. The pay is good and I do what I do best.

But it isn't enough, my body, my soul; every thing is just for sale.

As I exit my appt. I see a poor dog and its puppies. Quickly I run upstairs and grabbed the dinner I had not eaten and fed it to the dog and pups. Slowly I walked to the house were I worked. It really wasn't a house more like a warehouse on the more eastern side of my neighborhood. It was where I got my cloths and went to the streets.

I didn't dress like your conventional prostitute. I just stand near a corner leaning against a lamp light in jeans a torn up t-shirt and light summer windbreaker. Even in the dead of winter because I can't afford anything under five dollars other than rent and bills.

As I walk into the building I am greeted by many of my co-workers - for lack of a better term - with happy and seductive smiles. One girl was known for being addicted to me. She was rich but loved sex and never could have made it as a porn star because she couldn't act and had to have her way no matter what.

"Hey Blondie, fifty bucks for a quick one." she looked at me seductively and grabbed my collar and kissing me fiercely. We got some whoops and hollers. All the girls and guys who worked there get turned on by anything and everything.

When we finally broke apart I said hello to some of my friends and turned back to Mai "Uh hi Mai, how are you?" I didn't really care how she was I just wanted to get away. She smelled of urine, dirt and smoke.

"I'm fine baby." She said hugging me like we had been old friends and had not seen each other in a few years or so, when in fact I had gotten fifty bucks off of her just the previous night. Those dumb blonde jokes only refer to the rich snobbish fake blondes who dropped out of high school because their boyfriends dumped them. She fits that curriculum. "Now double or nothing if we go at it out here." She whispered this last part in my ear and I decided why not. 100 bucks in the bag for just a minute or two.

As quick as it had started it was done. There was no pleasure for me only her. I've trained myself in various ways; it is just not cool any more. I don't smile, I can't laugh. My life has gone to hell and back in just a few years. I am only 18; I can't handle this kind of depression.

My night started out with two or three woman like always and then something weird happened. A car filled with a woman and a man pulls up to me. The man driving says "My wife wants to know what it feels like to have two men inside her at once. Could you help us?"

"Uh sure sir I go at a rate of twenty dollars an hour per person. So forty per hour for you two does that seem okay?" It was perplexing why a man would want his wife to have a stranger invade her. But I thought it best not to question the ways of others.

I got a pretty amount of money that night. 100 from Mai, 100 from the couple – the man wanted me alone with him and so did the wife, 40 from random girls on the street looking for a good fuck, and 100 from this guy who kept me at his apartment till day break. Grand total 340 dollars and the guy gave me a fifty dollar tip. He said he wanted me to go strait to him the next night and he'll give me double my fee, double my tip, and double the pleasure for me. Besides he was good.

I got home at six, I took a shower (a cold one that lasted five minutes) and slept till nine when I opened up the restaurant for business.

The day went on as usual.

That night I spent five hours at the mystery mans house. He name was Rafael H. Valon. It wasn't he who was interested in me it was his son, Michael P. Valon. We spent the whole night together. I think his dad might have gone and I hope he did because we were loud. Valon was really strong and he desired to be the seme, but I think it just ended up that way. I never liked being seme, its so much more fun to be the helpless uke.

My favorite part was when we got into doggie style, bare back. He slammed into me making me howl as he hit my prostate over and over again. Before I knew it he had slipped a cock ring around my throbbing length. I could feel he was ready to cum at one point so when I felt the powerful member exit me and then slam into me with full force then have sperm cascade into my entrance I was not surprised although I screamed in agony and pleasure. I wanted to cum so bad but I didn't. That damn cock ring was restricting me. As I felt his length growing harder again while still inside me I let out a sigh, I was so aroused. He started to nip my neck and then (while still inside we) he flipped me over. He brushed my prostate and I let out a moan, flinging my head back. "My...I...penis...uhhhhhh" I couldn't help but speak. Before I could notice the change in his penis he pushed back into me making me howl yet again. I started to beg him to take off the ring but all he did was tighten it. From that point on I was ecstatic. It took so long but I finally exploded and when I did I did with a bang.

I was finally released from that mad man's house of kink at six o'clock am. I went home took a shower and went to bed. Even though I got up at nine I slept heavily. I slept wonderfully. So at nine I got up and my day went on as normal.

A nice couple came in that day. Young and happy. But they were foreigners so they didn't know about the area. To help them out I closed shop and went out to lunch and showed them back to down town Domino. I got paid handsomely for showing them where to go, to stay, and where to steer clear of.

Turns out that every one at the warehouse wasn't working that night due to traveling karma sutra specialists. The couple was the specialists. Mr. and Mrs. Vincent D. Benintende. Italian skin, bones and blood. We had a show that night but I keep out of sight of the two. I was too young and too ashamed that I couldn't do better for myself.

After twenty minutes I gave up on watching and went home. It was funny, that night, you know. A tiny little kitten was sitting on my door step. Smaller than the palm of my hand I went to the 7-eleven down the block and got some kitty food. She crawled up on my lap that night and for the first time in years I felt loved. I named her Shampoo, because I gave her bath that night and she loved it.

She slept on my lap, that night, while I reclined in the chair. Her purrs made me warm inside, the felling I used to get when Seto cooed me to sleep after a beating. Even if dad was in jail he had groupies, and I was a sexy kid. Dad said I was irresistible to men and women of all ages and nationalities.

He proved it to me many times in some random bar that he liked to go to every day or so. After Shizuka died that is. I got used to the pain after a while.

But when I woke up the next morning, and little Shampoo was nestled on my lap, I had a little more will to live. Soon I noticed that my little love was not breathing. Slowly I picker up in my hands and held her there hoping for a heart beat. None.

My heart sank and I wanted to sob but I kept it back. I walked out into he yard and buried her little body in the ground next to the spot were I buried a picture of Seto. I wanted to visit him when ever I needed.

I tried to optimistic about it by making it seem as though the best day of her life was her last and that made her happy. I hoped foolishly.

I didn't go to work that day, I was not in the mood to do anything. I knew that kitten for five hours and I felt like we had been life long companions. Then, as if she had come as a sign, a small black kitten walked into my appt. _I thought I locked my door_. "Hello tiny one. Shampoo, was she your sister?" I knew I would not get and answer so I just got up and locked my front door.

"Me-eooow" Her mew ringed in my ears but she was lovely and cute. She was a Diamond in the ruff as Mai would have put it. "Little one should you stay here and continue your brethrens legacy? I will call you Connie. Short and sweet for Conditioner. Shall we fill your belly?"

"Meow!" Eagerly I wished for sorrow, vainly, I forgot to borrow, from my years past experience of heart break and turmoil.

For the next two years my life went on as normal but I had a companion. One I loved like no other. Sometimes when I came home, tiered and at a loss of hope, Connie would come up to me and rub my leg, mew and let me know she loved me.

She never left me though. When she had to go to the bathroom she would climb out the fire escape jump down to the yard and go. She would then come back up the stairs to the appt. she would scratch on the land lady's door (Mrs. Collars adored Connie so she didn't mind letting her into my appt.) and beg to be let into my appt.

Over time I got a dog door designed for Connie so Mrs. Collars wouldn't have to walk to her door just to let a cat in my appt.

Two years after the death of Shampoo and the meeting of Connie...

One day I came home and I saw a trail of blood from the kitty-door to the kitchen. On the floor lay the lifeless body of Connie, but she was missing a paw. Her back right paw was detached but not gone. In her open mouth blood dripped out and laying next to her was her dainty little paw.

I later found out that she bleed to death. That was the last straw. Over the past two years I died a little more inside everyday. Burying her next to a picture of Seto, Shampoo, and picture of Serenity was the hardest thing I had ever done.

I had finally died. My spirit had finally drowned in what were the world and its never-ending rain. It rained the day I buried the picture of Seto, it also rained the day I buried the picture of Shizuka. But the sun shone the day I buried Shampoo, I thought because I met Connie that day. But the day I buried Connie was the last time I would ever bury something.

When I was done I ran to the roof of my Appt. complex. Softly I sang to myself, a sweet song of death and love until I tilted back my head far enough to loose my balance.

The wind feels so good. Hello darkness my old friend. I've come to talk with you again.

Sweet, sweet darkness. I love you Seto.

_Fin_

Copyright © Bloody Days Of Dust (K. A. F.) 2005


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